Thursday, November 11, 2010

Spelling Love

Hey girls! This is something I wrote for the Pansy Press a ways back! I just wanted to share it with y’all so maybe you can understand a bit of how you’ve all touched my life and shown me Christ’s love! I miss you all and can’t wait to wear my letters with you all again very soon! Delta Love! –a silently proud Tri Delta Gamma Chi

“Love” has always been a tricky word for me. Growing up, anyone could tell you that I was a “loving person.” My mom still enjoys telling stories of our trips to the toy store, where I would pick out the stuffed animal, no matter my personal preference, that had the most still on the shelves, because I was worried it was feeling left out. However, to me, love was always just an emotion. It was often an overwhelming emotion, a desperate pulling of the heartstrings. But I failed to understand that love is actually a choice. That love is useless unless accompanied with action or manifested in some way. I did not know how to express this emotion I felt for people, nor did I attempt to learn. In my mind, it was just enough to feel love for them.

This all changed drastically on October 17, 2006. I was sitting in my social studies class as a junior at Seven Lakes High School in Katy, Texas. All the sudden, I heard the sound of a gun shot. Five seconds later, the entire school was on lock down, and my teacher was closing the blinds, desperately dialing 911. Laying against the wall for two hours in the dark, I started thinking of ways in which my love should have been expressed: I should have told my parents “thank you;” I should have hugged my brother more; I should have said “I love you” to my little sister.

Eventually, the vice principal moved us to a different room. When I went towards the window to collect my things, I saw the aftermath of whatever had happened outside. It was a terrible image. But the tragedy was yet to be revealed. As they finally released us to go home that day, the school authorities revealed to us that what had taken place was a suicide. As the remaining days of that week went on, I realized just how sad the entire situation was. No one knew his name. Few people wanted to talk about it. The sense of loss that should have hung over all of us was replaced with busyness.

I can honestly say nothing has been the same since those words were said to me. Suddenly, I knew that feeling love was not enough. I understood that love needed to be something shared, something seen, and something more tangible. However, my fallen self still lacked an understanding of how to go about showing love to others.

Then I found my way to Baylor and somehow was blessed enough to join Delta Delta Delta. They taught me the power of simply knowing someone’s name because they knew my name. They showed me the mystical, binding power of sharing secrets with someone. They opened my eyes to the beauty in everyone, no matter how different they were, and that enabling them to take the lead in an area where they could effectively use their gifts to serve is often the best healing a broken heart can undergo.

In these ways, my sisters in Tri Delta have strengthened me to the point of rehabilitation. Now I have seen great examples of love and am ready to pass it along. This coming semester, I plan on beginning a university chapter of To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) at Baylor. TWLOHA is a non-profit organization dedicated to giving hope and getting help for those struggling with depression, self-injury, and suicide. Baylor needs this organization to create a safe community, just like the one I found in Tri Delta, in which these dark issues can be openly discussed and met with compassion. Self-injury and suicide are especially a taboo topic of conversation in our modern society, but they are certainly not irrelevant issues amongst the college community. With the assistance and encouragement of my Tri Delta sisters, I will be able to begin this loving and nurturing community. Hopefully, it will touch the lives of people who find themselves in dark places and bring them a little light. Because, as Tri Delta showed me, sometimes a little light can grow into an entire movement centered on not darkness, but love.

Written by one of our beautiful Gamma Chis (thus it will remain anonymous until the Spring).

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